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I have been friends with a woman, a person who's overcome numerous hardships, her resilience is commendable. Yet, she's often blindsided in relationships. Her spouse left her, which came as an unexpected event. A lot of close acquaintances vanished during that time, since they had been drawn to him. She was stunned by her. She put in increased attention toward our bond, likely realised more acutely the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues In Relationships

In the time since, quite a few of her friends have drifted apart without her being certain of the reason. The company she worked for suddenly changed toward her, although she had been an excellent employee, and she left without knowing why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, we've both retired and are seeing each other more, yet I realize the part I play in the relationship is to listen. I start topics of conversation but she shifts them to things she cares about. Regarding political views, she expresses firm beliefs. I attempt to propose double-checking information and alternate views.

She has been planning a vacation to a nation I've visited many times even called home previously. My intention was to share advice, yet it was met with resistance. She really only wanted my agreement with her plans. I recently ended 30 days in that place and she wants to catch up, but I don't.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling to act as a friend who cuts and runs abruptly, yet I doubt she can understand the impact of her actions on how I feel about myself. At this point, my state is pulling back. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

You could cut and run, yet this is seldom a smooth outcome we hope for. But confrontation aiming for a solution demands strength and openness from both people.

Professional advice indicates applying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"The first step is to state how things go when you talk. This needs to be objective and clear and basically exactly what occurs. The second involves sharing the way it leaves you feeling. This allows for no disagreement about this. Your feelings are your feelings, after all. The third step is to question how the two of you will alter the dynamics of your friendship."

Remember she too holds perspectives, thus requiring you to stay open to hear that. An approach that works is to say her:

"Now you talk and I promise to remain silent for half an hour."

This can be successful to encourage understanding.

Key Takeaways

She could ignore all you say, since certain individuals hold onto a “survival narrative”: they rely on a version of their life they're unable to let go of as it feels essential depends upon it and it's all they've known. This poses a challenge when there seems no clear path here, mere obstacles. But she may initially present defensively before reflecting about what you've said. And even if you never reach a fix, it will give you closure that you've been truthful.